The Alley can be Very Dark
With the death of Robin Williams yesterday, I'm thinking about how dark the alley of depression can be. I'm sure angels were there for Robin and for all who have died as a result of the struggles with mental illness. The angels were there, and God shed tears as God embraced him and took him home. Robin's death reminds us that the alley of depression can be very dark - no amount of money or fame provides a way out of the darkness. Even laughter is not enough - sometimes; even faith is not enough - sometimes. In our dark alleys, may we find the angels among us - to be our light - to show us the way. They are there: doctors, therapists, friends, spiritual directors, clergy...who have been yours? Sharing the darkness with even one other person can make some space for light to enter. Sometimes that light takes the form of medication, sometimes on-going therapy, sometimes rehab when self-medication practices become part of the struggle.
The story I've started to tell on this blog, about my childhood, which I described recently in a sermon as featuring divorce, alcoholism, and chaos (and I can add here deep loneliness and fear), it is a story of knowing God in that alley--some sort of spiritual awareness that gave me strength and hope at the time. I've learned over the years that for me and for many people, when one goes through a dark alley as a child, there is often, perhaps always, work to be done, healing to experience. I'm so thankful for the people who have been my angels, messengers of grace, midwives to grace in my life...grace always there, God's gift to all, but needing an angel to point the way or witness the way forward out of the alley and into the open space.
Three prayers from the healing service offered at my church, Holy Comforter, Richmond, every Wednesday at 12:15pm:
Grant to all who seek your guidance, and to all who are lonely, anxious, or despondent, a knowledge of your will and an awareness of your presence;
Hear us, O Lord of life.
Mend broken relationships, and restore those in emotional distress to soundness of mind and serenity of spirit;
Hear us, O Lord of life.
Hear us, O Lord of life;
Heal us, and make us whole.
2 comments:
Thank you for this post, blog, and being open to sharing your story.
As I sat in my last hours of Silence (with a capital S because it was Sacred) at the Jesuit Center, I sat in the cemetery for the third time that week. I promise I'm not being melodramatic and I'm not making this up, but because I had been previously roaming the building and came upon a little historic corner explaining the history of the building and the cemetery and who the first one to be buried there - a student - aged 24 - last name Ryans - in 1931 - I sat looking at all the stones and I remembered the scene from Dead Poet's Society and heard in my mind Robin's voice - "Carpe Diem!"
And I paused for more moments to think about that and I moved on.
I came home the next day with broken silence and this news of his death. It took my breath away.
I had hours before been sitting in a cemetery and heard his words from one of his most revered and famous works of art and meditated on them... and went on to sieze the day - and I soaked in the sunset and was in awe of the Supermoon with the reminder to "Carpe Diem!"
There seems to be a lot of death, hurt, gloom and doom hovering around the world more so as of late. Or perhaps I am just becoming more sensitive to feeling it more as of late. With all the chaos going on externally, there are people walking among us with chaos happening internally, I speak from experience. I don't have an answer, and like Anne Lamott said today, I wish God had a magic wand to fix things.
It is slow work, and the laborers are few. Thank you for laboring with us in the dark times and being mindful of the light houses whose beacons have helped guide the way. May we continue to find God in the dark places. May we ask questions, like Thomas, but touch our own wounds and realize they are also felt by our loving creator... and may there be healing and transformation in the exploring our woundedness.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey and thoughts/reflections.
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